Author: Shivangi

As a child, summer was a season of freedom and fun, and I never really paused to think about how everything came together so smoothly. I didn’t have to. I was just on a “What’s next!” roll.

Dance camp. Swimming lessons. Art class. Basketball. Skating. Visits to my grandparents. There was always something to do, and it all just… happened. Seamlessly almost.

Now, as a young adult, I see it all a little differently.

Lately, I’ve found myself noticing more, asking more. While researching and writing about working mothers, I’ve slowly become more sensitive to the quiet logistics, decisions, and pressures that sit behind every “easy” summer day from childhood. I see the carefully built scaffolding that holds up that freedom. And more often than not, it’s mothers who are doing the heavy lifting.

A Shift in Perspective

Growing up, I saw both sides of this story play out in my own home. My father works as a government officer. My mother was a high school teacher until I was around 11 or 12, and then she decided to step away from full-time work.

I remember asking her once why she made that choice. She smiled and said that while teaching was fulfilling, what she really missed was simply being there, being a bigger part of my younger sister’s and my daily lives.

Now, I want to be clear, she’s never framed that decision as some kind of noble sacrifice. In fact, when we joked that she did it “all for us,” she rolled her eyes and laughed. She said she’d always wanted time to do things her previous schedule didn’t allow, like experimenting with elaborate meals from scratch (a very lucky thing for us). And even after stepping away from school teaching, she continued to stay engaged, tutoring, answering questions over video calls, and guiding neighborhood kids through challenging exams.

There was no one right path. Just the one that made sense to her.

But now that I return home for short summer breaks, I see the rhythm from a different lens. My sister, now a teen, is in that same cycle I once was: packed classes, early morning drop-offs, midweek rehearsals, activity-driven days. Oh, and the mad dash of finishing school projects and summer homework in the last few days? That tradition is alive and well. And I see how much effort it takes, just finding the right classes, managing travel, navigating timings, getting that last piece to complete a solar system diorama, just making it all fit.

I help where I can, whether it’s printing out worksheets, doing pick-up duty, or running around to find that last missing piece. Even that small window of involvement is enough to make me realize: it’s a lot.

And for mothers doing this while working full-time jobs? I will not pretend to know how it feels, but just maybe I’ve gained a bit of understanding into why it’s so hard.

Summer Isn’t Always a Break

For working moms, summer often comes with this odd expectation: that it’s supposed to be light and joyful and more free. But in reality, it’s often the opposite.

The school structure disappears, and in its place? A jigsaw puzzle of childcare, camps, family coordination, and the quiet (sometimes loud) pressure to make this season magical.

The words I hear most often from mothers are:
“I feel like I’m always split between places. It’s constantly, “What’s the next thing on the to-do list for today?””
“There’s just no pause.”
“I’m there, but not really there.”

Even when work-from-home flexibility exists, it’s not always real freedom. It just means squeezing in calls during nap time or answering emails between drop-offs. And all the while, that inner voice whispers: Should I be doing more?

Gentle Suggestions I’ve Gathered Along the Way

I’m in no place to offer advice. But here are a few things I’ve noticed, tiny shifts that working moms sometimes talk about. Not fixes, not perfect solutions, but maybe helpful reframings:

1. Redefine Summer Success

Not every day needs to be a highlight reel. One mom told me she picked “one thing a week” to look forward to, maybe a breakfast outing, a craft afternoon, a slow Saturday walk, a visit to some nearby place. That felt more sustainable than a daily schedule packed with expectations.

2. Flexible Routines Over Fixed Schedules

Some families adopt loose rhythms, like “quiet hour” after lunch or dedicated work blocks with clear signals (“when the candle’s lit, mom’s working”). It’s not foolproof, but it sets expectations gently.

3. Trade Off, Tag Out

If there’s a co-parent or support system, even small tag-ins can help, like alternating pick-ups, or blocking a shared “focus time” hour. One parent told me their solution was simple: “Every Wednesday morning, I get 2 hours off the grid. No questions asked.”

4. Let Go of the ‘Perfect Summer’ Myth

This one comes up a lot: the idea that summer has to feel like sunshine and lemonade 24/7. But maybe a good summer is just one where you don’t burn out trying to make it perfect. Maybe it’s sweaty kids, leftover pasta, and ten good minutes before bedtime. And maybe… that’s enough.

A Quiet Recognition

I can’t claim to understand what working moms and dads go through each summer. But I can say this: I see it more clearly now. The invisible work. The scheduling maze. The emotional labor.

And it deserves more recognition, not just gratitude, but actual support. From workplaces. From policies. From the people who share their lives.

So to the moms juggling calls and snack boxes, doing office work while planning weekend activities, helping with last-minute science models while sending emails from the dining table: I don’t know how you do it. But I see that you do. And I’m learning to appreciate it more than ever.

You may not always feel it, but your work, your presence, your effort?
It matters. And it is seen. Thank you for everything that you do.

 

Shriya Mishra, Liftery intern and Management student at IIFT Kakinada. With a love for words and strategy, she enjoys exploring everyday systems and the unseen labor behind daily life, especially for working mothers. She uses writing to make sense of the world and can be reached via LinkedIn.

 

 

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Picture this: six kids, a bustling household, and a thriving executive career—all in the same life. That’s been my reality for over a decade, and I’m here to share how I made it work. As a working mother of six children born over 11 years, I’ve navigated the exhilarating, exhausting, and deeply rewarding journey of raising a large family while advancing my career to an executive level. From 2005 to 2016, I gave birth six times, yet I didn’t let the demands of motherhood derail my professional aspirations. Instead, I leaned into strategic decision-making, embraced flexibility, and cultivated a mindset that allowed both my family and career to flourish. Here’s how I did it—and how you can, too, whether you’re parenting one child or many, aiming for the C-suite or simply seeking balance.

This is our family of 10, including my two grown step-children, and the 6 children we had together. My step children were aged 16 and 12 when Doug and I married in 2003.

Strategic Decisions: Aligning Family and Work

Raising six children while climbing the corporate ladder required deliberate choices. Early on, my husband and I set clear priorities: family first, but with room for professional growth. We evaluated every career move through the lens of how it would impact our family’s rhythm. For example, when offered a new role as a Senior Director of Assessment in 2010 that originally required relocation from Texas to Washington, DC, I negotiated a hybrid role, splitting my time between Texas and DC. By demonstrating my value and reliability, I successfully transitioned the role to full-time remote with only occasional DC travel within a few months.

Actionable Tip: Create a family-career decision matrix. List potential career moves or changes (e.g., new job, relocation, longer hours) and evaluate them against factors like family time, financial impact, and personal fulfilment. Share this with your partner or a trusted mentor to ensure alignment.

Working from home in Texas, with an office in DC, was a tremendous blessing, particularly when I was very pregnant and nursing. I was 38 weeks pregnant with my 5th child in this image in November, 2013. 

Leaning on Strengths

Knowing my strengths was a game-changer. As a natural planner with strong communication skills, I used these traits to manage both home and work efficiently. At home, I created organizational systems, an accessible color-coded family calendar, and daily and weekly chore responsibilities for each family member, to keep our household running smoothly. With a large, busy family, there were occasional hiccups, but these systems kept us on track. At work, I leveraged my ability to connect with people to build, develop, and mentor strong teams, rooted in trust, and to galvanize teams to achieve strategic results.

Actionable Tip: Take the Working Genius Assessment to determine your working geniuses, competencies, and frustrations. It only takes about 15 minutes, and you may be very surprised about what you can learn about how you get work done with this assessment by Patrick Lencioni. Or, take a strengths assessment like CliftonStrengths or ask colleagues and family to describe your top three qualities. Then, find ways to apply these strengths to both parenting and professional challenges. For example, if you’re great at problem-solving, use that skill to streamline morning routines or tackle workplace inefficiencies. 

Work relationships are critical to my success in balancing work and family. As I had seasons of heavy travel, I have thrived by cultivating relationships with mission-aligned colleagues with similar passions.  

Embracing Flexibility

With six kids, chaos is inevitable. Sick days, school events, and unexpected tantrums don’t follow a corporate calendar. I learned to embrace flexibility, both at home and work. At the office, I communicated openly with my team about my availability, ensuring I could attend key meetings while occasionally stepping away for family needs, like appointments or school pick-up. At home, I adjusted routines as our family grew, letting go of rigid schedules in favor of what worked in each season.

Real-Life Example: In 2018, I took on a new role as a Chief Assessment Officer in Austin. My boss wanted me to relocate there from San Antonio so that I could be in the office every day. But, after five years of homeschooling, my kids had finally gained acceptance through the lottery into a classical charter school they loved, and moving was not an option. Instead of moving to Austin, I proposed a flexible schedule—working 2-3 days a week in Austin and the other days at home. During my 3-4 hours in the car round trip, I listened to leadership books to build my knowledge and learn new skills. I also answered calls and caught up on personal phone calls. I turned unproductive time into productive time and created a win/win situation.

Actionable Tip: Transform commuting or downtime into growth opportunities. If you have a long commute, listen to audiobooks, podcasts, or leadership training relevant to your career. At home, build flexibility by creating a weekly “buffer plan” that includes backup options for unexpected disruptions, like a trusted neighbor (who in my case happens to be my parents – have I mentioned that I am very blessed!) for emergency pickups or a virtual meeting option for work. 

I have spent thousands of hours in the car chauffeuring my kids. I love using that time to have conversations with each of them. Conversations during walks are also a great time to learn more about your kids’ ideas, loves, passions, concerns, and daily events. 

Gratitude and Faith

Gratitude kept me grounded through the chaos of diapers, deadlines, and decisions. I learned to pause and celebrate the small wins—a child’s giggle, a project well done, a quiet moment at the end of a long day.

And when things got tough, turning inward—whether through prayer, reflection, or simply breathing in stillness—helped me stay centered. These practices reminded me that my value isn’t measured by perfection, but by presence—in both motherhood and leadership.

Actionable Tip: Each night, try writing down three things you’re thankful for—one tied to family, one to work, and one just for you. Pair it with a grounding ritual that resonates with you, whether it’s meditating, praying, walking, or reflecting in silence. Even ten mindful minutes can gently shift your focus from pressure to presence.

My daughter has taken gratitude and organization to the next level. This practice keeps her organized, thankful, and prepared for school.

Asking for Help

No one thrives alone. I built a network of support: family members who babysat or carpooled, colleagues who covered meetings, and friends who listened. Asking for help wasn’t a sign of weakness—it was a strategy for success.

Real-Life Example: When my third child was born in 2009, I hired a biweekly housekeeper and a lawn keeper to handle cleaning and yard work, a worthwhile investment that freed up my time. As our kids grew, we taught them skills like laundry and lunch prep by age 8, fostering independence while lightening my load. I still treasure that biweekly cleaning as a gift to myself.

Actionable Tip: Make a list of tasks you can delegate, like grocery delivery or carpooling. Then, reach out to your network—family, friends, or paid help—to share the load.

Building a Circle of Mentors

Mentors were my secret weapon. From seasoned executives who coached me on job search strategy and negotiation to veteran moms who shared parenting hacks, these relationships gave me perspective and confidence. As a 51-year-old seasoned mom with executive experience, I still seek out mentors regularly, and I work with a few who inspire me daily. You’re never too old to have a mentor.

Actionable Tip: Identify one or two people in your field or community whose life or career you admire. Invite them for coffee or a virtual chat, and ask specific questions about their journey.

I have met amazing mentors, colleagues, and friends throughout my professional journey. These relationships have blessed my life professionally and personally. Build a circle of advisors, mentors, and trustworthy colleagues who will enrich your life and allow you to flourish towards your purpose.  

Giving Myself Grace

Perfectionism is a trap. I learned to let go of unrealistic expectations—like a spotless house or a flawless work record. When my house was a wreck, I ran late to a school pickup or missed out on a desired promotion, I reminded myself that mistakes don’t define me. Grace allowed me to keep moving forward.

Actionable Tip: Practice self-compassion. When you mess up, speak to yourself as you would a friend: “You’re an amazing woman. You did your best and that is what matters. Is there anything that you can learn from this experience that brings you closer to your core purpose?” 

Setting Boundaries

Boundaries protected my time and energy. At work, I set clear office hours and avoided logging into my work computer after 7 p.m., except during peak season. At home, I carved out “mom-only” time for self-care, like reading or a nice walk. These boundaries ensured I could show up fully for both roles.

Actionable Tip: Use a calendar to block off non-negotiable time for family, work, and yourself. Communicate these boundaries to your team and loved ones.

Growth Mindset

I viewed challenges as opportunities to learn. When a promotion or job offer didn’t come through or one of my kids struggled with a sport, passion, or relationship, I asked, “What can I learn here?” This mindset turned setbacks into stepping stones.

Actionable Tip: When facing a challenge, journal about it using the prompt: “What’s the lesson in this moment?” This shifts your focus from frustration to growth.

Clear Expectations and Accountability

Clarity was key. At work, I set measurable goals and checked in regularly with my team. At home, my husband and I established family rules—like our recent decision this school year to ban screens during the week—and held everyone accountable. Clear expectations reduced stress and kept us aligned.

Actionable Tip: Hold a weekly family meeting to review goals, chores, and upcoming events. At work, schedule quarterly check-ins with your manager to align on priorities.

Presenting to educators is one of my favorite parts of the job. As COO, I served as the “Integrator,” managing day-to-day operations. While I enjoyed leading the team and improving processes, I realized my heart was with customers, visionaries, and coalitions for change—I wanted to focus on education policy. In 2023, after aligning with my CEO, we created my exit plan—a tough but necessary decision to stay true to my purpose and set clear expectations.

Balancing and Resetting Priorities

Balance isn’t static—it’s a dance. Some seasons demanded more focus on family, like during a newborn phase; others allowed me to lean into work, like when leading a company initiative, or in one job, where I was leading the operations of the entire company. I regularly reassessed priorities to stay aligned with our values.

Actionable Tip: Every three months, do a “priority audit.” List your top five priorities (e.g., family health, career growth, personal hobbies) and evaluate how your time aligns with them. Adjust as needed.

Since my girls were little, I have tried to be a strong, smart, feminine, and classy leader. I have even incorporated them into various work events when possible. Here is a photo of my older daughter joining me at a Policy Circle event in 2023 at the Texas Governor’s Mansion in Austin..  

Embracing the Beauty of Seasons

Life with six children (and two grown stepchildren who were teens when I married their father in 2003) taught me to embrace each season’s unique beauty. The sleepless newborn days gave way to chaotic toddler years, then to the joy of watching my kids become independent. My career followed a similar arc—each phase brought new challenges and rewards.

Real-Life Example: My children have grown up too fast for my taste. I missed a few games, I worked too much in the early days, and I was on my phone too much in recent years. I was late picking them up from a few practices, and I even completely forgot to pick up more than one of my children from school or practice on more than one occasion over the years. Instead of dwelling on guilt, I focus on the quality time that we did have. My kids have so many beautiful memories that we made around our homeschool table, on family trips, on Sunday dinners, reading books together, talking around campfires, playing “Dude, where’s my lunch?,” on car trips, at gymnastics competitions, football games, dance performances,  choir concerts, college trips, in Europe with my girls, and so much more. Seasons go by fast, and each one is unique and special in its own way. 

Actionable Tip: Reflect on your current “season.” What’s temporary? What’s worth savoring? Write a letter to your future self about what you love about this phase.

Final Thoughts

Raising six children while building an executive career wasn’t easy, but it was worth it. By making strategic decisions, leaning on my strengths, and embracing flexibility, gratitude, and faith, I created a life where both family and work thrived. I leaned on mentors, set boundaries, and gave myself grace, all while staying open to growth and the beauty of each season. You don’t need a large family or a corner office to apply these principles. Whether you’re a mom of one or many, these strategies can help you navigate the juggle of work and family with confidence and joy.

 

Tracy Gardner, Ph.D. is a seasoned psychometrician and executive leader with 20+ years of experience in educational assessment and strategic operations. She currently serves as Senior Measurement Advisor at Pearson.

 

The idea for this article came to me when my mother shared a little anecdote from her work. She told me about a colleague who had an infant daughter. Since no one could look after her child at home, she relied on a nearby nursery. My mother often accompanied her coworker to visit her baby during their lunch break. Though this is a common situation, it made me wonder why nurseries aren’t standard in every workplace. 

According to a 2024 Lean In report, almost all surveyed companies today provide basic support for employees who are parents, caregivers, or managing health challenges. These benefits lead to happier employees and better retention rates. But are these measures enough? Many working moms still struggle with rigid work schedules, inadequate parental leave, and the constant juggle between career and caregiving.

When I look at recent trends, as a young adult, I think the world has not been kind to women. While we are taught to have dreams and progress, true equality remains out of reach. Finding your voice in this mess can be a big challenge for women who are expected to be both model mothers and model employees. When workplaces do not value your voice, it can make you wonder why you should even bother trying. So, what does a truly mom-friendly work culture look like?

1. Mom-Friendly Infrastructure

Yes, on-site childcare should be the norm for sizeable workplaces. Having a nursery or daycare facility allows mothers to focus on their work without the constant stress of arranging childcare or worrying about their children’s well-being. But let’s take it a step further.

• Family-friendly workspaces: A designated quiet space where mothers (or anyone else for that matter!) can relax during breaks, featuring comfortable seating and a soothing ambiance, can provide much-needed respite. Additionally, hosting occasional “Bring Your Child to Work” days can help normalize caregiving in the workplace and foster a more inclusive culture. The area should have soft flooring, childproof furniture, and enclosed spaces to ensure safety and security. A separate quiet zone can be designated for activities like reading or napping, offering a peaceful retreat for both children and parents.
• Parent rooms: Designated spaces for nursing, and pumping, can make a world of difference. Moreover, having access to trained support staff such as caregivers, early childhood educators, or even on-call babysitters can provide even more support. can further enhance this infrastructure. 

When organizations invest in such infrastructure, they create a more inclusive and family-friendly work culture, ultimately leading to happier, more engaged, and more productive employees.

2. Work That Works for Moms: Beyond the 9-to-5

Rigid schedules don’t align with the unpredictable nature of parenting. Employers need to prioritize results-driven work cultures over facetime.

• Remote work & hybrid models: Many roles today don’t require a physical presence in the office every day. If moms can be just as productive from home, why not allow that flexibility?
• Shift adjustments: When performance is measured by output rather than hours spent in an office, working moms can structure their workdays around their peak productivity times while also managing childcare duties efficiently.
• No more mom penalty: Women shouldn’t be seen as less committed simply because they need flexibility. Companies should actively challenge biases that associate flexibility with lower performance. 

3. Transparent and Inclusive Parental Leave Policies

Parental leave policies vary widely, and many moms face challenges when it comes to securing adequate time off. Some companies offer generous leave, while others provide minimal support, forcing women to return to work too soon.

• Clear Communication: Companies should have well-documented, easy-to-access leave policies that outline eligibility, duration, and pay structure.
• Phased return-to-work plans: Instead of expecting moms to jump from full-time leave to full-time work, phased return options can ease the transition.

By ensuring transparency and communication about maternity leave policies, employers help reduce anxiety for working mothers, enabling them to plan their leave with confidence and return to work smoothly.

4. A Culture That Doesn’t Guilt Moms for Being Moms

A mom-friendly workplace isn’t just about policies; it’s about people. Colleagues, managers, and leadership all play a role in fostering an environment where working moms feel valued and supported.

• Normalize caregiving conversations: Managers should encourage open discussions about work-life balance without stigma.
• Employee Resource Groups (ERGs) for moms: Companies can create communities where working moms connect, share resources, and advocate for better policies.
• Lead with empathy: A culture that understands the challenges of working motherhood will see lower burnout rates and higher engagement.

Why This Matters

At the end of the day, no mother should have to choose between her career and her family. Mom-friendly workplaces benefit families and also companies with happier, more productive employees and a better bottom line. 

This is everyone’s responsibility. Compassionate working cultures allow all employees to thrive and also become agents of change.

 

Himani Mehra, Liftery intern and also the founding member of Limitless Stree, an initiative to empower women and girls in India. She is a passionate advocate for mental health and gender equality, leverages her background in psychology to drive positive change. She can be reached via LinkedIn.

 

 

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Let’s be honest: we all know we need to set boundaries. As working mothers, we juggle an endless list of responsibilities, and deep down, we understand that setting limits is essential for our well-being. So why do we struggle to actually do it?

Well, two reasons. The first is that we want to achieve. But maybe more importantly, we don’t want to disappoint anyone. Whether it’s a colleague, your boss, your partner, or your kids, the idea of saying “no” or “not right now” can feel like a failure. We’re used to stepping up, taking care of things, and being seen as capable, so setting boundaries can feel like we’re letting someone down.

But here’s the paradox: when we don’t set boundaries, we overcommit, and the quality of our work—and our emotional well-being—starts to suffer. We end up pleasing fewer people in the long run, including ourselves. Or as I like to say, we are everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Think about it. How many times have you tried to squeeze in that one last task, just to feel like you’re falling short later?

Take this all-too-common scenario: You’re trying to finish up work, maybe take one last phone call, and suddenly it’s 5 minutes past the time you’re supposed to pick up your child. You’re rushing out the door, feeling guilty, knowing you’re going to be the last parent at daycare—again. It’s an exhausting cycle, and it happens because we’ve tried to do too much for too many people.

The Comparison Trap

Another reason we struggle with boundaries is comparison. We see other moms who seem to have it all together, when we consistently feel behind. It’s that mom at school who seems to make it to every daytime school event, or a coworker who seems to excel when multiple challenges are thrown at her without ever missing a beat.

But here’s the truth — we don’t really know what’s going on behind the scenes. Maybe that mom you’re comparing yourself to has a different set of strengths. Or maybe she’s delegating or outsourcing in ways you’re not. She also might not be doing some of the things you’re doing. And that’s okay. We all have different strengths and capacities, and measuring ourselves against another person just adds to the pressure.

So, how do we get out of this cycle and start setting boundaries that actually stick? It starts with a simple framework.

A Simple Framework for Boundary Setting

Setting boundaries doesn’t have to be complicated. In fact, it can be as straightforward as using a three-part framework to communicate your needs effectively. This framework is effective in all kinds of situations—whether you’re at work, dealing with your kids, or negotiating time with your partner or extended family.

1. Use “I” statements: Own and express your needs without blaming others.
2. Provide context: Explain why you’re setting this boundary so the other person understands where you’re coming from and why it’s important to you.
3. Offer a reframe or compromise: Find a way to meet in the middle, where possible.

Now, let’s break down how this can work in real-life scenarios.

Boundary Setting at Work

Work is often the hardest place to set boundaries, especially when you feel pressure to be available 24/7. But without clear limits, you risk burnout and poor performance.

Example 1: Needing Focus Time

Let’s say you’re overwhelmed with a work project and can’t afford to be interrupted by meetings or last-minute requests. Here’s how you can set a boundary:

• “I need focused time today to finish this project because the deadline is looming. I can connect tomorrow after I’ve wrapped this up.”

By using this framework, you’re stating your need clearly, providing context (the deadline stress), and offering a compromise by making yourself available later.

Example 2: Disconnecting While on Vacation

You are going on vacation and worried about getting calls from your manager. It can be nerve-wracking to set boundaries with your boss. Here’s a simple way to frame it:

• “I’m going on vacation next week, and I need to fully unplug to recharge. I understand there might be some urgent matters, so I’m happy to take calls between 8 and 9 p.m. once my kids are in bed. I won’t be available during the day.”

This shows you’re still a team player while making it clear that your time off is important to you.

Example 3: School pickup

Your child is starting first grade, and you want to be the one to pick her up from school at 3:05. Here’s what you can tell your team members:

• “I’m not going to be available each day between 2:30 and 4 because it’s important to me to pick up my child after school and touch base about her day. I’m going to block my calendar during this timeframe and will finish up in the evening.”

Setting Boundaries with Kids

Kids are natural boundary-pushers, and it’s up to us as parents to gently enforce limits, while teaching them valuable lessons about respect and time management.

Example 1: Managing Interruptions

If your kids tend to interrupt you while you’re working or handling important tasks, you can frame your boundary like this:

• “I know you want to talk to me, and I really want to listen. I can’t do it right now because I’m focused on work. I’ll be done at 5 p.m., and we can talk then.”

This acknowledges their need while setting a clear boundary about when you’ll be available.

Example 2: Baseball Game

Your child has a playoff game and wants you to be there… but you have an important work call in the middle. Try explaining using something like this:

• “I know this game is important to you, and it’s important to me too. I’m going to be there. I’ll need to go to the car to make an important phone call during the game. Before and after my call, you and the game will have my full attention.”

Setting Boundaries with Your Partner

Setting boundaries with your partner can be tricky, especially if you’ve fallen into patterns where you’re taking on more than your fair share. But communicating your needs clearly can prevent resentment from building.

Example 1: Sharing Responsibilities

If you’re feeling overwhelmed with household tasks, you can ask for help using the boundary framework:

• “I am feeling really stressed with this big presentation coming up, and I need some help with the kids’ bedtime routine so I can spend some time in the evenings preparing. Let’s discuss how we can take turns putting them to bed so I have some time to work.”

This sets a clear expectation without putting the blame on your partner, and it opens the door for compromise.

Example 2: Time for Self-Care

Self-care is important, but many of us feel guilty asking for time alone. Here’s how to frame it:

• “I’ve been feeling drained, and I need some time for myself this weekend. Let’s discuss a schedule for managing the kids so we both have some time to recharge.”

This creates space for you while simultaneously recognizing that your partner may need some alone time as well.

Setting Boundaries with Extended Family

Extended family can sometimes have expectations that clash with your busy life. Whether it’s hosting events or handling family responsibilities, setting boundaries with parents, in-laws or siblings can be difficult and kick up the guilt — but it’s crucial to protect your time.

Example 1: Saying No to Hosting

You set an annual tradition of hosting a holiday dinner at your home but can’t take it on this time. Try this approach:

• “I really enjoy hosting everyone each year. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to do it this time because of my work schedule. I’d be happy to help with planning, food and clean-up.”

This sets a boundary while still offering support in a way that works for you.

Example 2: Managing Unannounced Visits

If your family drops by unannounced or expects more of your time than you can give, try this:

• “I love spending time with you. However, between work and the kids, we need to plan visits in advance. What is your availability next weekend?”

This shows that you value the relationship and want to spend time, while helping you protect your time and energy.

A Positive Lens

Sometimes, the compromise you need to make when boundary setting can feel uncomfortable. You’re helping out at your child’s end-of-school-year party and need to leave early to jump into a meeting. Leaving mid-party doesn’t feel right… and neither does leaving work in the middle of the day to be there. This is what compromise looks like. And it’s not a failure. In fact, it’s a sign of your healthy communication with both your family and your colleagues. Reframing the situation to “Cool! I was able to see my kid at school today AND make my meeting,” is a more positive mindset — though it can take some time to wrap your head around the idea that this compromise is a win-win. If you have mixed feelings during this adjustment period, give yourself some grace. 

Final Thoughts: You’ve Got This

Setting boundaries as a working mom isn’t easy, but it’s essential for maintaining your well-being and effectiveness. Getting into the regular practice of using “I” statements, providing context, and offering compromises will help you clearly communicate your needs and minimize feelings of guilt and overwhelm. Remember, the art of boundary setting isn’t about shutting people out — it’s about including them in a way that works for you, while making sure you’re showing up fully in the areas that matter most. 

Start small, have those conversations, and trust that you can create the balance you need. 

 

Elyse Dub, PhD is a psychologist and founder of Insight Onsite, a mental wellness company that helps people build human connections at work.