Let’s be honest: we all know we need to set boundaries. As working mothers, we juggle an endless list of responsibilities, and deep down, we understand that setting limits is essential for our well-being. So why do we struggle to actually do it?

Well, two reasons. The first is that we want to achieve. But maybe more importantly, we don’t want to disappoint anyone. Whether it’s a colleague, your boss, your partner, or your kids, the idea of saying “no” or “not right now” can feel like a failure. We’re used to stepping up, taking care of things, and being seen as capable, so setting boundaries can feel like we’re letting someone down.

But here’s the paradox: when we don’t set boundaries, we overcommit, and the quality of our work—and our emotional well-being—starts to suffer. We end up pleasing fewer people in the long run, including ourselves. Or as I like to say, we are everywhere and nowhere at the same time. Think about it. How many times have you tried to squeeze in that one last task, just to feel like you’re falling short later?

Take this all-too-common scenario: You’re trying to finish up work, maybe take one last phone call, and suddenly it’s 5 minutes past the time you’re supposed to pick up your child. You’re rushing out the door, feeling guilty, knowing you’re going to be the last parent at daycare—again. It’s an exhausting cycle, and it happens because we’ve tried to do too much for too many people.

The Comparison Trap

Another reason we struggle with boundaries is comparison. We see other moms who seem to have it all together, when we consistently feel behind. It’s that mom at school who seems to make it to every daytime school event, or a coworker who seems to excel when multiple challenges are thrown at her without ever missing a beat.

But here’s the truth — we don’t really know what’s going on behind the scenes. Maybe that mom you’re comparing yourself to has a different set of strengths. Or maybe she’s delegating or outsourcing in ways you’re not. She also might not be doing some of the things you’re doing. And that’s okay. We all have different strengths and capacities, and measuring ourselves against another person just adds to the pressure.

So, how do we get out of this cycle and start setting boundaries that actually stick? It starts with a simple framework.

A Simple Framework for Boundary Setting

Setting boundaries doesn’t have to be complicated. In fact, it can be as straightforward as using a three-part framework to communicate your needs effectively. This framework is effective in all kinds of situations—whether you’re at work, dealing with your kids, or negotiating time with your partner or extended family.

1. Use “I” statements: Own and express your needs without blaming others.
2. Provide context: Explain why you’re setting this boundary so the other person understands where you’re coming from and why it’s important to you.
3. Offer a reframe or compromise: Find a way to meet in the middle, where possible.

Now, let’s break down how this can work in real-life scenarios.

Boundary Setting at Work

Work is often the hardest place to set boundaries, especially when you feel pressure to be available 24/7. But without clear limits, you risk burnout and poor performance.

Example 1: Needing Focus Time

Let’s say you’re overwhelmed with a work project and can’t afford to be interrupted by meetings or last-minute requests. Here’s how you can set a boundary:

• “I need focused time today to finish this project because the deadline is looming. I can connect tomorrow after I’ve wrapped this up.”

By using this framework, you’re stating your need clearly, providing context (the deadline stress), and offering a compromise by making yourself available later.

Example 2: Disconnecting While on Vacation

You are going on vacation and worried about getting calls from your manager. It can be nerve-wracking to set boundaries with your boss. Here’s a simple way to frame it:

• “I’m going on vacation next week, and I need to fully unplug to recharge. I understand there might be some urgent matters, so I’m happy to take calls between 8 and 9 p.m. once my kids are in bed. I won’t be available during the day.”

This shows you’re still a team player while making it clear that your time off is important to you.

Example 3: School pickup

Your child is starting first grade, and you want to be the one to pick her up from school at 3:05. Here’s what you can tell your team members:

• “I’m not going to be available each day between 2:30 and 4 because it’s important to me to pick up my child after school and touch base about her day. I’m going to block my calendar during this timeframe and will finish up in the evening.”

Setting Boundaries with Kids

Kids are natural boundary-pushers, and it’s up to us as parents to gently enforce limits, while teaching them valuable lessons about respect and time management.

Example 1: Managing Interruptions

If your kids tend to interrupt you while you’re working or handling important tasks, you can frame your boundary like this:

• “I know you want to talk to me, and I really want to listen. I can’t do it right now because I’m focused on work. I’ll be done at 5 p.m., and we can talk then.”

This acknowledges their need while setting a clear boundary about when you’ll be available.

Example 2: Baseball Game

Your child has a playoff game and wants you to be there… but you have an important work call in the middle. Try explaining using something like this:

• “I know this game is important to you, and it’s important to me too. I’m going to be there. I’ll need to go to the car to make an important phone call during the game. Before and after my call, you and the game will have my full attention.”

Setting Boundaries with Your Partner

Setting boundaries with your partner can be tricky, especially if you’ve fallen into patterns where you’re taking on more than your fair share. But communicating your needs clearly can prevent resentment from building.

Example 1: Sharing Responsibilities

If you’re feeling overwhelmed with household tasks, you can ask for help using the boundary framework:

• “I am feeling really stressed with this big presentation coming up, and I need some help with the kids’ bedtime routine so I can spend some time in the evenings preparing. Let’s discuss how we can take turns putting them to bed so I have some time to work.”

This sets a clear expectation without putting the blame on your partner, and it opens the door for compromise.

Example 2: Time for Self-Care

Self-care is important, but many of us feel guilty asking for time alone. Here’s how to frame it:

• “I’ve been feeling drained, and I need some time for myself this weekend. Let’s discuss a schedule for managing the kids so we both have some time to recharge.”

This creates space for you while simultaneously recognizing that your partner may need some alone time as well.

Setting Boundaries with Extended Family

Extended family can sometimes have expectations that clash with your busy life. Whether it’s hosting events or handling family responsibilities, setting boundaries with parents, in-laws or siblings can be difficult and kick up the guilt — but it’s crucial to protect your time.

Example 1: Saying No to Hosting

You set an annual tradition of hosting a holiday dinner at your home but can’t take it on this time. Try this approach:

• “I really enjoy hosting everyone each year. Unfortunately, I won’t be able to do it this time because of my work schedule. I’d be happy to help with planning, food and clean-up.”

This sets a boundary while still offering support in a way that works for you.

Example 2: Managing Unannounced Visits

If your family drops by unannounced or expects more of your time than you can give, try this:

• “I love spending time with you. However, between work and the kids, we need to plan visits in advance. What is your availability next weekend?”

This shows that you value the relationship and want to spend time, while helping you protect your time and energy.

A Positive Lens

Sometimes, the compromise you need to make when boundary setting can feel uncomfortable. You’re helping out at your child’s end-of-school-year party and need to leave early to jump into a meeting. Leaving mid-party doesn’t feel right… and neither does leaving work in the middle of the day to be there. This is what compromise looks like. And it’s not a failure. In fact, it’s a sign of your healthy communication with both your family and your colleagues. Reframing the situation to “Cool! I was able to see my kid at school today AND make my meeting,” is a more positive mindset — though it can take some time to wrap your head around the idea that this compromise is a win-win. If you have mixed feelings during this adjustment period, give yourself some grace. 

Final Thoughts: You’ve Got This

Setting boundaries as a working mom isn’t easy, but it’s essential for maintaining your well-being and effectiveness. Getting into the regular practice of using “I” statements, providing context, and offering compromises will help you clearly communicate your needs and minimize feelings of guilt and overwhelm. Remember, the art of boundary setting isn’t about shutting people out — it’s about including them in a way that works for you, while making sure you’re showing up fully in the areas that matter most. 

Start small, have those conversations, and trust that you can create the balance you need. 

 

Elyse Dub, PhD is a psychologist and founder of Insight Onsite, a mental wellness company that helps people build human connections at work. 

 

Navigating the job market can be daunting, especially when trying to connect with hiring managers who are actively seeking candidates. But why bother trying to track down and get the attention of hiring managers who don’t even have open roles? Shouldn’t you just wait for an interesting job to come up and then apply? 

Making a connection with people you might like to work for gives them a preview of your experience and builds trust. If they’re already familiar with you and your background, you’ll be the first one they’ll consider when they have new openings. Also remember that most jobs are filled by referrals. So creating a network of interesting hiring managers can work to your advantage when one of them has an open job requisition.

Whether you’re currently employed, between jobs, or looking to re-enter the workforce, this quick, three-step process can help you effectively reach the right hiring managers on LinkedIn.

 

HOW TO FIND THE RIGHT HIRING MANAGERS

Step 1: Use LinkedIn’s Exact Match Search

Go to www.LinkedIn.com and use the LinkedIn search bar to find job posts related to your target position. 

Here’s how:

1. Enter your desired job title in the search bar.
2. Type the word ‘AND’ followed by ‘hiring’. For example: supply chain AND hiring
3. Run the search to generate results.

This technique leverages boolean search logic to pinpoint posts that mention hiring for your specific job title.

Step 2: Filter for Posts

Once you have your search results:

1. Click on the “Posts” filter in the top bar menu; it will turn green. This will display posts from individuals who have mentioned hiring for your desired role.
2. Select about ten individuals from these posts to start networking with. You can either direct-message them or engage with their content by liking or commenting.

Step 3: Refine Your Search for Target Companies

To narrow down your search even further:

1. Click on “All filters” in the top bar menu. 
2. Find the “Author company” filter and type in your target companies.

This refines your list to posts from people hiring for your desired position at your preferred companies.

 

CRAFTING YOUR CONNECTION MESSAGE

When sending a message to a hiring manager, use a personalized message to stand out. Here’s a template to help you get started:

“Hi [Name], I hope you’re well. 

I wanted to learn more about the mid-level PM role you posted about. I’m currently a [Your Current Job] with [Years] years of PM experience in the tech industry, including roles at [Company 1] and [Company 2]. 

I’m passionate about [Your Passion] and would love to show you how I can create value for your health technology team, just like I delivered this project [insert hyperlink] for my last employer. 

I hope to hear from you soon and am happy to provide a resume! 

Thank you.”

This message highlights your experience, passion, and a specific example of your work, making it more likely to catch the hiring manager’s attention.

 

ADDITIONAL TIPS

Create a database of contacts. Keeping track of your connections and interactions using a spreadsheet or a simple CRM program will help you manage your job search efficiently.

Explore company blogs and employee posts. Corporate blogs and employees often share job openings before they are officially listed, providing you with early opportunities to apply.

 

MANAGER OUTREACH = BETTER ODDS

If you follow these steps, you can strategically connect with hiring managers on LinkedIn, substantially increasing your chances of landing your next great job opportunity.

 

Sindho Channa is a recruiter, speaker, career coach and career matchmaker for mid to executive level supply chain and procurement job seekers. She’s the founder of the Supply Chain Careers Community and has extensive experience hiring expats, with more than 1400 placements in 32+ countries. You can reach her on LinkedIn. 

Here we are on a Sunday afternoon, interviewing our mother about her longtime work-family juggle in India. Meet Indira, a government officer for more than 30 years with two grown daughters — Shivangi and Himani.

–

Shivangi: So Mummy, would you like to introduce yourself to our readers?

Indira: Sure! I’m Indira and I have been working in the government for many many years now. I’m currently the Library and Information Officer in Niti Aayog (which used to be known as the Planning Commission of India). I am in my late fifties. I have a beautiful family and am blessed with two daughters. In my spare time, I love to watch movies, cook my favourite dishes and knit. 

Shivangi: Thank you for sharing that. We’d like to understand your views and opinions on being a mother and managing your work simultaneously. Maybe we can start with your description of motherhood.

Indira: As a mother, I wanted my babies to be healthy. I wanted to give you ample time, to help you grow and to provide a great education for you. I also needed to devote time to our multigenerational household. But as a working mother, my time was scattered and limited. I still feel a sense of guilt that I could not give the two of you more of my attention. I do feel, though, that children benefit from having a working mom. They learn about hard work and the importance of independence.

Himani: True — hearing stories about your work taught me lots about real life. So, what did others expect of you as a working mother?

Indira: In our generation, our in-laws expected us to work as well as fulfill the responsibilities of a typical daughter-in-law in society. There was all of the cooking, chores, and child raising. We were required to attend every family function, so there was very little time for a working mother to do anything for herself over the weekend. There was even an expectation for us to look presentable at all times. 

Shivangi: Have these expectations changed in recent years?

Indira: I think there has been a big change. Earlier a working mother could not rebel or express her feelings out loud. But today’s working mothers know their rights. They know that they don’t have to bear all family responsibilities alone. 

For example, I used to cook dinners for 20 people on a fairly regular basis. This was common in our family, as we often had guests. Online ordering didn’t exist and takeaway wasn’t socially acceptable. I used to feel exhausted as I had to start cooking the second I got home from the office. I was happy doing it at first but then it became an expectation, and I was a little resentful. However, today, with online ordering and quick deliveries, you can easily host dinners without exhausting yourself. It’s also acceptable now to hire domestic help to cook food, which was not preferred before. 

Shivangi: Things have definitely changed for the better. Did your workplace support you when you were struggling to balance everything?

Indira: As a government official, we had to be present in the office most days. But we also had family friendly policies that made it easier. After my first pregnancy, I could take leave for up to 3 months. Later, I had to frequently take time off to look after you, Shivangi, and also to take care of your grandmother, who had asthma. My office was aware of the situation and was very cooperative. I also learned a lot about juggling work and motherhood from my senior colleagues.

Himani: Are there any examples of this support that stood out?

Indira: I was incredibly lucky to have male managers with families who supported me and gave me the flexibility I needed. They went above and beyond to make sure I could take care of the two of you when you needed me. Another thing was that when you had summer vacations, my office allowed you to spend the day in the office with me. In some offices, this is not allowed, so I was extremely appreciative.

Himani: I totally remember running into the office and all the office people getting me snacks to eat. 

Shivangi: Yes! Do you remember the time you tried to bring ice cream home to me from Mummy’s office? That didn’t work so well.

Himani: Please see the gesture, not the logic. Mummy, given that Shivangi and I are more than 9 years apart, did you notice any similarities and differences in raising the two of us?

Indira: The similarity is that I was studying during both pregnancies while also working a full time job. When I was pregnant with Shivangi, I was doing my second bachelor’s in Library and Information Sciences, and with Himani, I was completing a master’s. The difference is that the first time, I was young and had no health concerns. In my second pregnancy, I was diagnosed with diabetes and there was an age factor. So I had to take a lot of precautions to deliver a healthy baby. 

I also feel there was much more support during and after my first pregnancy than with my second. After Himani was born, I struggled because my mother-in-law who’d helped so much with Shivangi had sadly passed away. So, for almost 3 years, your father and I used to drop Himani at my parents’ house and then bring her home after work. Also, there is a difference in personality and nature between the two of you, so I had to adapt to your individual needs and ensure you both felt heard. 

Shivangi: So when you went to the office, what did you do to make sure we didn’t miss or need you during your working hours? 

Indira: Well, I would cook and pack food for you before leaving for the office. I also used to talk with you daily over the phone after you came home from school. I would ask how school went, and if you needed any paper or prints for your homework. Maybe most importantly, I would bring home fresh fruit and snacks for you. And then I gave you the space to share your day with me and provided whatever support you needed. 

Shivangi: I clearly remember rushing to the door in the evening to open it, greet you and check your bags for snacks! When you were in the throes of it all, do you think society judged you as a working mom? Especially in India, typically families don’t approve of women leaving their kids to work outside the home. Did you experience that?

Indira: Well, it is highly regarded in Indian society to be a government officer, so I didn’t experience any judgement, even as a woman. I think both sides of my family were proud that I was working. However, there was invisible pressure for sure to excel as a mom, an employee, and a daughter-in-law and all the other roles I had. All of my colleagues experienced the same pressure, so it felt normal to me back then.

Himani: You know, my psychology professor once asked if it was difficult for us when our mothers worked. Did we feel we were missing out on memories? I got very emotional. When my turn came to speak, I said that as a child it hurt that I did not see you at home very much. I used to get so excited when you would take leave and be there when I came home from school. But as I grew up, I started to understand your side of the story. I am so proud that you worked and were also there whenever we needed you.

Do you have any tips that you would like to share with the working women of today?

Indira: Our society has changed and being self-dependent is important. As a working mother, you need to develop strong communication with your partner and family. And do not hesitate to get help if you need it. 

Shivangi Mehra is an Associate at Liftery and founder of Limitless Stree, an initiative to empower women and girls in India. She also serves as the Research Mentor for young researchers at UNESCO. She can be reached via LinkedIn.

Himani Mehra, a passionate advocate for mental health and gender equality, leverages her background in psychology to drive positive change. She’s founding member of Limitless Stree, an initiative to empower women and girls in India and is currently working with Sangath India, a mental health nonprofit for their suicide prevention programme, Outlive. She can be reached via LinkedIn.

 

A reporter reached out to me when the Barbie movie came out. Usually when this happens, it’s to talk about policy or fights between Democrats and Republicans or what’s happening in Lansing. But this reporter said, “You know, Senator, you’re on recess, would you have any interest in being interviewed about the Barbie movie?” And I thought, I have been waiting for this moment for years. 

With a past career designing Hot Wheels cars for Mattel, I’ve done a lot of thinking around what it means to be a boy or a girl or a man or a woman. There’s been a lot of ink spilled on how we set girls up with certain expectations — that girls are given certain colors, dolls and play sets, and boys are given cars and action figures and superheroes.

And I reject that premise because it’s too simple. Because it implies that one set of skills or personalities is less than the other. That girls are somehow set up to be less in life because they’re given dolls. Because they care about other people. Because they tell stories. Because they look out for each other. And if we look around the world right now, I think we could use a little bit more of that skill set — caring, kindness and empathy.  

For a long time in my career, I really prided myself on being a guy’s girl. I grew up with brothers. I loved cars. I was so excited when I could finally buy my first car and loved it so much that I slept in it the first night that I had it in my driveway. (My mom was very concerned about me.) And that was something that I kind of wore as a badge of honor. I graduated from college at the University of Notre Dame and I always wanted to be a car designer. There was something about always being the lone woman in a man’s space that was exciting to me. But it was also really lonely.  

In 2007, I won a national car design competition. That’s actually how I met my husband, who was editor in chief of Jalopnik at the time, and they wrote a story about me. That win afforded me the opportunity to go to the Los Angeles Auto Show. And I distinctly remember one of the conversations that I had at the show with a dad who had brought his son and one of his son’s friends. We got to talking about my education and how I got here and what I wanted to do with my career. I thought it was a really inspiring conversation. 

And then later, as I was reading Jalopnik, there was a comment in the comment section from this dad. And I know that because there were enough details in the comment for it to be identifiable. He said, “I went to the LA auto show. I met Mallory McMorrow. She’s a lot better looking in person. And to my surprise, she’s actually articulate.”

At that same event, when I went to check in at the hotel, I was 21 years old and I was talking to the man behind the counter. He asked why I was there and I said, “I’m here for the auto show.” And he immediately said, “Oh, you’re one of those booth babes,” referring to the women who just stand in front of the cars to be looked at, meant to be seen and not heard. 

Years later, I moved to New York. I applied for an apartment in Brooklyn after being recruited for a job, and I brought with me three years of bank statements, a letter from my previous landlord, a letter from my employer, and my salary information. I made more than enough money for this apartment, and I had excellent credit. But in my meeting with two older male property managers, they reviewed all of my documents, and they immediately asked, “So will you be moving in with your husband?” despite only seeing one name on the application. And they followed by asking, “Is your father going to be helping you with this apartment?” These stories go on and on, and these small things add up over time where the message is: You’re not welcome here. This space is not really for you.

This is why the Barbie movie resonated so much. When I was at Mattel, I remember thinking about how tricky it would be to make a Barbie movie, because Barbie is such a controversial figure — which is impressive when you’re only 11 inches tall.  But the movie did such a great job because it drew the dichotomy that Barbie exists in a fake world where she can be anything. She can be an astronaut, she can work at McDonald’s, she can run a puppy swim school. She can be president many times over. But she exists in a world that doesn’t have any of the challenges that women face in the real world. 

Ruth Bader Ginsburg understood this reality better than anybody else, because nowhere in the Constitution did it explicitly state that there were equal rights for women. In fact, the only mention of sex at all is once in the 19th Amendment. Perhaps you’re familiar with Ginsburg’s story.

Despite graduating first in her class from Columbia Law School, she was rejected in 1960 for a clerkship position because she was a woman. She later co-founded the Women’s Rights Project at the ACLU. And as you can imagine, people approached her every single day with cases demonstrating blatant discrimination against women. She refused to take up any of them. Instead, she had a much more strategic plan, and that was to take up discrimination cases against men. In Oklahoma in the 1970s, men were legally allowed to buy beer at the age of 21. Women, on the other hand, were allowed to buy beer at 18, because they were viewed as the more demure, responsible gender.

Ginsburg found this obscure case, submitted an amicus brief, and took it all the way to the Supreme Court. She knew, probably better than anybody, that in that moment, an all male Supreme Court simply would have no sympathy for cases of discrimination against women, not because of any malicious intent, but because they just wouldn’t understand. They would think the stories were crazy, because they’ve never faced that discrimination. But they could relate to a guy who couldn’t buy beer until he was 21. Therefore, by making the case that men should have the same rights as women to buy beer, the underlying reading of the 14th Amendment’s Equal Protection Clause would be that differential treatment on the basis of sex was worthy of additional scrutiny and could be discrimination under the law for the first time in American history.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg’s work allowed me to get an apartment in my name, even though men didn’t think that I could have it. It allowed me to have a job, a bank account and a credit card. 

Just as Ginsburg passed away, my colleagues allowed me to give the statement on the Senate floor recognizing her. And at the time, I was very pregnant. It wasn’t lost on me that I was allowed to be in that space visibly pregnant because of her work. But just because we’re allowed to be in these spaces doesn’t mean that these spaces are made for us. And again, going back to the Barbie movie and the monologue that we all remember, women try to contort themselves to fit into spaces that weren’t designed for us.

I’ve seen this play out throughout my entire career. Our nation’s lack of support for women, especially working mothers, has found its way insidiously into our culture as if to tell American mothers that if we couldn’t handle it all, it’s just because we weren’t strong enough. 

For all of the accomplishments and gains that women have made, we have found ways to make it harder on ourselves. In 2017 before I was in office, I hosted a panel at the Women’s March convention in Detroit. It was titled Standing in Our Own Way: How women tear each other down. I had no idea if anybody would show up. But the room was full  — the fire marshal was called to tell people to leave the room. The title alone had piqued people’s interest and I opened the panel by asking all the women in the room to raise their hand if they’ve ever felt torn back down by another woman at work. Every single hand went up. 

And that’s when I really started to reflect on my own tough-girl stance. I liked being the woman who could cut it. I liked being the woman who could laugh at crude jokes, didn’t take myself too seriously and didn’t get offended. But then I looked around and I was the only woman in the room. 

When I was at Mattel, I distinctly remember one of my colleagues who was eight months pregnant. She was getting ready to go out on leave and Mattel as a company offered a robust paid leave benefit.

We were all planning for who was going to pick up her work while she was out. And then she started regaling us with stories of her first pregnancy, and how she was answering emails and taking phone calls in the delivery room. We tried to cover her meetings, but she said, “Don’t. Put me on them. I don’t want to miss anything. I can do it.”

And the impression, even for those who believe in paid family leave and support for families, was that it’s nice — but it’s for people who aren’t tough enough. And we keep doing this, to the point that the United States is now the only industrialized nation in the entire world that has no paid leave at all. 

So in my job now, I became the second senator in state history to be pregnant while in office. The first actually planned her pregnancy for when we would be on recess, because there is no leave policy for legislators, and there’s no way to vote remotely. We can’t do our jobs from home. You have to be in the Capitol. So there’s a political risk that if you take time off to be with your newborn, you’re going to miss votes. She planned to give birth heading into a recess so she wouldn’t miss anything. I wish I could say that my husband and I planned that well, but we didn’t.

My due date was January 21st, which was about 10 days after the start of the session, right when we were getting started. And I had a decision in front of me. I could try to tough it out and get back there as quickly as I could. Or I could take the full leave. I thought really long and hard about this. 

State employees in Michigan are granted 12 weeks of leave. I’m not technically a state employee — I’m in this weird purgatory of employees within the state — but I took it anyway. I decided that it was important to be with my newborn, to figure out how to be a mom, to heal.  And I knew that it was a risk. I knew that there would be an attack. I knew that there would be ads against me. But I decided to take it head on and share my own experiences because if we don’t live our values, other women won’t have the same opportunities that we do. 

On day 2 of being a new mom, we got a call in my office from a lobbyist who told my Chief of Staff, “Hey, I know Mallory’s on break, but could we get some time with her? Maybe tomorrow, for a client?” And I don’t even blame them for reaching out, because again, the impression is that it’s this nice surface level thing, but we don’t actually believe in it. She’s tougher than that. I wanted to share very viscerally the graphic details of what it was like two days after giving birth, but simply declined the meeting.  

I think it matters that people try to show up as their whole selves. As women, we need to model what we want to see. I am a mom who is a senator. That means that sometimes I’m not going to be able to attend evening events. I’m not going to want to go out for drinks. I’m not going to want to do the old boys club thing where we stay away from our families and we don’t come home, which is still very much how politics works. 

Let’s reform the systems and the spaces instead of contorting ourselves into being something that we’re not and that we shouldn’t be. We shouldn’t try to make ourselves into boys or men because the world needs a lot more women who care right now. 

 

Mallory McMorrow is an American politician who has served in the Michigan Senate since January 2019 and became senate majority whip on January 1, 2023. You can reach out to her on her website, on X or on Facebook.

 

Keith and Maura are work colleagues in similar roles. Keith negotiated confidently for his salary, citing his prior earnings as a starting point. Because Maura had a 1-year career break on her resume, the company offered her 8% less than it originally offered Keith. Afraid that her offer might be rescinded if she pushed too hard, Maura was not as assertive as Keith and agreed to the lower salary. 

This is one example of the gender pay gap — a persistent and pervasive problem that affects women of all backgrounds, ages, and levels of education. On average, women workers make 83 cents for every dollar a man makes. But as they rise in the ranks, the pay gap increases. Female managers and supervisors earn 83 cents, directors 82 cents, and executives make 72 cents on the dollar. Women may enter the workplace at a lower wage, and then work disruptions like maternity and caregiving leave play a role. 

The pay gap is not only unjust — it’s also bad for the economy, society, and a company’s performance. It reduces women’s income, wealth, and economic security, which in turn affects their health and well-being. It also limits women’s opportunities and potential, hampering their contribution to a company’s innovation and productivity. It’s important to note that diverse teams have been proven to make better decisions and to boost the bottom line — so it’s in an employer’s best interest to take action.

According to the World Economic Forum, it will take 169 years to close the global gender pay gap at the current rate of progress. But fortunately there are concrete steps corporate leaders can take now to avoid this disparity while also lowering the company’s legal risk. Let’s take a look.

Set new employees’ starting pay without regard to their prior pay. One of the factors that contributes to the gender pay gap is the history of discrimination and undervaluation of women’s work in the labor market. Women often start their careers with lower salaries than men, and this gap widens over time as they face fewer raises, bonuses, and promotions. To break this cycle, base your new hires’ pay on the value of the job, the skills and qualifications required, and the market rate, rather than on their previous or expected salary. And avoid asking candidates about their salary history or expectations, since this can lead to anchoring bias and perpetuate the problem.

Adjust your existing employees’ pay to match new employees’ pay for the same job. Setting fair and transparent pay for new employees is just part of the equation. You also need to address any existing inequities among your current staff. Regularly review and update your compensation practices to ensure all employees are paid equitably for the same or comparable work, and that there are no unjustified or discriminatory gaps based on gender or other factors. Communicate openly with your employees about how their pay is determined and how they can advance in their careers.

Establish an objective compensation policy. Lack of clear and consistent criteria for setting and adjusting pay can result in arbitrary and subjective decisions that favor some employees over others. So don’t leave it to the hiring manager’s discretion. Develop and implement a policy that defines the roles, responsibilities, and expectations for each job, the methods and sources for determining the level and pay range, and the procedures and criteria for granting raises, bonuses, and incentives. Train and monitor your hiring managers to ensure that they follow the policy and apply it fairly and consistently to all employees.

Reject affinity bias. Affinity bias is the common tendency to like, trust, and favor people who are similar to ourselves. It creates a homogenous culture in the workplace, where men are more likely to hire, mentor, and promote other men, and women are more likely to face barriers, challenges, and isolation. To overcome this, foster a diverse and inclusive culture in your organization, where people of all genders and backgrounds are valued, respected, and supported. Encourage and facilitate cross-gender collaboration, networking, and mentoring, and ensure that women have equal access to opportunities.

Make sure assignments and promotions are offered equitably. The type and quality of work assigned also contributes to the gender pay gap. Women often face a double bind: they are either assigned less challenging and visible tasks that limit their exposure and advancement, or they are assigned more demanding and stressful tasks that increase their workload and burnout. They are also less likely to receive credit and recognition for their contributions, and more likely to face backlash and criticism for their achievements. So make sure your employees are assigned and evaluated based on their skills, performance, and potential, rather than their gender or other demographics. Provide constructive feedback and recognition, and reward them for their results and impact.

Offer the same parental leave and caregiving benefits to all employees. Unequal distribution of unpaid work and care responsibilities between men and women is another contributing factor. Women often bear the primary or sole responsibility for taking care of children, elderly, or sick relatives, which affects their availability and flexibility at work. They also face more workplace bias for juggling their work and family roles, and penalties for taking time off or reducing their hours. To address this, provide equal and adequate parental leave and caregiving benefits to all your employees, regardless of their gender or marital status. Also create a supportive and flexible work environment, so your employees can meet both their personal and professional needs. Just as importantly, encourage and enable both women and men to share the work and care responsibilities, and to take full advantage of the benefits and flexibility available to them.

Conduct an annual pay equity audit and analysis. One of the most important steps toward closing the gender pay gap in your organization is to measure and monitor it regularly. Regularly collect and compare employee salary data and identify and explain any disparities based on gender or other factors. Also measure the impact and effectiveness of your policies and practices on pay equity, and address any weaknesses. Then communicate your results and the actions you have taken or will take to close the gaps.

Make your pay scale public. Another way to promote pay equity in your organization is to make your pay scale public and transparent. This means that you disclose and share salaries and pay-setting policies with your internal and external stakeholders. This can help you increase the trust and confidence of your employees, customers, investors, and partners, and demonstrate your commitment to pay equity. It can also help you attract and retain more diverse and talented employees, and enhance your reputation and competitiveness in the market.

Allow employees to talk about their wages. A common barrier to pay equity is the lack of information and awareness among employees about their own and others’ pay. Many employees do not know how much they are paid compared to their peers or counterparts, or whether they are paid fairly and equally for their work. Many employers also discourage or prohibit employees from discussing or disclosing their wages, either explicitly or implicitly, which creates a culture of secrecy and silence around pay. To address this, allow and encourage your employees to talk about their wages, and to seek and share information and feedback on their pay. You should also educate your employees about their rights and responsibilities regarding pay equity, and the resources and support systems available to them.

Encourage ERGs and other affinity groups to help determine pay policy. Employee Resource Groups (ERGs) and other affinity groups are voluntary and employee-led organizations that bring together workers who share a common identity, such as gender, race, disability, or LGBTQ+. These groups can play a vital role in advancing pay equity by providing a platform and voice for your employees to express their needs, concerns, and suggestions regarding pay and other issues. They can help you design and implement your pay policies and practices by providing input, feedback, and recommendations based on their perspectives and experiences. And they can help you communicate and engage with their members around these issues.

Realize that pay equity is not only about gender parity. Finally, recognize and acknowledge that pay equity is not only about gender parity, but also about intersectionality and inclusion. For some people, different forms of discrimination, such as sexism, racism, ableism, and homophobia, can overlap and interact to create unique and compounded disadvantages, so it’s important to make sure that all people are valued, respected, and supported in the workplace, regardless of their identity, background, or circumstance. To achieve pay equity, do address the gender pay gap —  but also the racial pay gap, the disability pay gap, the LGBTQ+ pay gap, and any others that affect your employees. Handle all of it together, ensuring that your pay policies and practices are inclusive and responsive to your employees’ diverse and specific needs.

Who’s got this work-thing wrapped up and so completely under control that you never need to ask anyone for suggestions or advice? 

Anyone? 

Us either. 

In our journeys towards personal and professional success, we can all benefit from a support system. You’ve probably heard that coaches, mentors and champions (also known as sponsors) can provide guidance and encouragement. But how do you know what you need at any given time? Let’s take a look at each one, the differences between them, and why all three are important for working women, in particular.

The Coach

Have you ever thought it might be nice to have a strategic partner by your side to help you identify and tackle your personal and professional goals? Enter the coach! Think of them as your reliable ally, offering support, guidance, and feedback to help you navigate challenges, make informed decisions, and achieve your desired outcomes. They’re not just advisors; they’re the professionals who show you the ropes in the most efficient and polished manner, assisting you in honing your talents. A coach’s expertise makes you better equipped to handle workplace challenges and reach your true potential. Coaching is typically a paid service, an investment in yourself that can yield significant returns.

Here are some benefits:

Skill enhancement. Coaches provide specific feedback to build skills and address weaknesses.

Goal setting. They help in setting and achieving realistic, measurable goals.

Accountability. Coaches keep you accountable for your actions, which helps you work toward your goals with discipline.

There are many types of coaches, and here are a few that provide support at the crossroads of work and life:

• Career coaches help you grow in your current role, guide career decisions, and advise on work-life integration.
• Entrepreneurship coaches support you in building a business. 
• Executive / leadership coaches enhance your leadership skills at work.
• Life coaches focus on personal growth and relationships, self-worth and self-confidence, and taking action towards living a life with purpose.

Consider this scenario: you’ve been laid off from your most recent position, you’re feeling a bit uncertain and not-so-confident about your career prospects, and think you might like to pursue a different type of role or industry. That’s where a career coach comes in. They’ll team up with you to assess your skills and interests, focus your sights on the right role and type of company, boost your confidence, sharpen your interviewing skills, and craft a strategic plan for attacking your job search. From updating your resume to refining your networking skills, they’ve got you covered. Think of them as your career makeover partner, guiding you through a seamless transition. 

Or let’s say you’ve been in the same company for a few years and are hoping for a promotion into a leadership role. An executive coach could work with you to evaluate and hone your executive presence, identify opportunities both inside and outside of your workplace where you can demonstrate your authority, and help you level up your leadership game.

So how do you find the right person to work with? Start by researching coaches in your industry on platforms like LinkedIn, or explore online coaching platforms like BetterUp and WRK/360. You can also ask around at industry events, conferences, or workshops where coaches often hang out.

Once you identify someone you’d like to consider working with, schedule a consultation — it’s like grabbing a coffee to see if you click. Discuss your goals, their approach, and see if it feels like a good fit. Ask for client testimonials or case studies to check their track record. Think of it as doing your due diligence. And if you want more info, you can check out this article for extra insights on how and when to choose a coach. 

The Mentor

Wouldn’t it be great to have a career guide who’s been there? That’s the essence of a mentor — someone with a treasure trove of career experience, both successes and setbacks, ready to share their lessons learned. Imagine reaching out to this wise person for valuable advice, constructive feedback, organizational know-how, inspiration and encouragement. 

Here’s the key. For this mentor-mentee relationship to flourish, there has to be openness and honesty on both sides. It’s like having a heart-to-heart with a trusted friend who genuinely cares about your success. The cool part? Most mentors do this out of the goodness of their hearts and see it as an opportunity to give back.

Key benefits include:

Wisdom transfer. Mentors share valuable insights and lessons learned from their own career journeys.

Networking. They can introduce you to valuable connections within their networks.

Longevity. Mentorship often develops into a long-term, mutually beneficial relationship.

Mentorship can take various forms, ranging from formal arrangements within organizations to informal relationships developed through networking or personal connections. Mentors may be found in diverse settings, including the workplace, educational institutions, community organizations, or social circles.

Let’s say you’re a working mom who’s constantly juggling, with a goal of leveling up to a leadership role without dropping any balls. Cue the potential mentor — another working mom, a seasoned player in the senior management game.

This mentor is your go-to guru. At regularly scheduled meetups (which can be in person or virtual), you’ll have the opportunity to ask your questions. And she’s all about spilling the secrets on networking, building a supportive team, and mastering the corporate maze. 

At the same time, mentorship is a 2-way relationship. Show your mentor you have their back by demonstrating interest in their lives and sharing information, news or insights that will help them in their own roles. 

Finding the perfect mentor is like searching for your career confidante. Sometimes a mentorship relationship develops naturally. But if you need to actively seek one, start off by spotting the stars in your organization or industry whose career stories vibe with your goals. Look for those mentors who not only possess qualities you admire but also have the time to invest in your mentorship journey.

If you’re aiming for an in-house mentor, hit up internal networking events, mentorship programs, or affinity groups. And if you’re looking for someone outside your current company, platforms like LinkedIn, industry events, and your alumni network can be treasure troves for finding potential mentors. There are also established organizations that can match you with a mentor — you can find them at liftery.com/resources!

Once you’ve found your desired mentor match, graciously ask them for a 30-minute coffee or video chat, taking care to clearly and succinctly explain why you’re seeking their wisdom and how your needs and interests align with their expertise. In this first meeting, ask how they achieved [whatever it is you’d like to emulate] and listen. If the vibes are good during this first meeting, you can ask for another… and eventually suggest making it a regular gig, like a catch-up every month. 

For more details, dive into this article for an extra dose of mentorship insight. 

The Champion

Ever heard of champions or sponsors? They’re like your personal hype squad, actively cheering for your success both in public and behind the scenes. These amazing folks use their influence to strategically place seasoned professionals — like you — in the perfect spot at just the right time.

Why? Because they’ve seen you in action, tackling situations like a pro, and knocking goals out of the park with the perfect approach and timing. They have you on their radars and when the time’s right, they’re ready to sing your praises as the perfect candidate for that coveted project, role, or promotion. Isn’t it awesome to have someone out there actively rooting for your success? We think so too! 

Here’s why having a champion is crucial:

Visibility. Champions promote your achievements, ensuring you get the recognition you deserve.

Opportunity Matching. Because they’re at the table where new initiatives are discussed, they tell you about related opportunities for advancement and how to go get ’em.

Advocacy. They actively recommend you for plum projects or roles.

While coaches focus on goal setting and skill development, and mentors provide guidance based on personal experiences, champions actively advocate for an individual’s success. Champions are particularly known for their public support and proactive efforts in promoting the interests and achievements of the person they champion. 

Let’s say you’re a determined software engineer with your eyes set on a leadership role. Sarah, a respected senior manager, has noticed your great work in the past. You decide to reach out, sharing your career goals. Sarah’s not just impressed; she becomes your advocate. Because she’s in the room where the decisions are made, she recommends you for key projects and even offers valuable pointers along the way. Thanks to Sarah’s sponsorship, you land that coveted leadership position.

Finding your real-life champion can be an organic process, where your good work catches the eye of someone influential in your organization. Or it can take some intentionality. 

If you’re in the latter camp, start out by keeping an eye out for leaders who recognize potential and have a history of supporting others. Look for the well-connected and respected ones within your organization — ideally those with the influence to make things happen. They’re the ones you want in your corner.

Now, the key. Do good work and make it visible to them. Take on impactful projects and ensure your achievements are on their radar.

Engage with these potential sponsors. Seek their advice on challenges and get feedback on your work. It’s about building a connection and letting them see your potential.

You’re the architect of finding and securing the right champions. Once you’ve got them, keep them in the loop. Provide all the info they need to champion you in meetings and negotiations that take place behind closed doors.

For more insights, check out this article.

Why Women Should Actively Seek Career Support

We all know that women are ambitious and just as dedicated to their careers as men are. But we also know that there are hurdles that women in particular need to jump over in order to achieve the same upward mobility. McKinsey’s recent Women in the Workplace report points out the typical broken ladder and glass ceiling moments — women stuck in junior roles, feeling overqualified, and notably underrepresented at the C-suite level, where only one in four leaders are women, and women of color represent just one in 16.

Focusing on leadership readiness with a coach, making good use of a mentor’s tangible advice and contacts, and having the internal support of a respected sponsor can help you ascend through the typical trouble spots. And as you do so, consider being that mentor or champion for a woman who’s your junior.

Because here’s the coolest part. This is not just about individual growth. By having these awesome figures in your corner — and by being that awesome figure for an up-and-comer — you’re personally contributing toward building a workplace that mirrors diversity, counters historical gender imbalances… and experiences greater profitability as a result.

 

Having spent more than two decades in the IT sector steering teams, overseeing projects, and confronting the challenges posed by the ever-evolving technical landscape, it’s fair to say that I’ve had my share of both failures and successes. And from both, I’ve emerged with many learnings. To give you a head start in your own leadership journey, I’m sharing some of the things I wish I’d known when I started my career.

What is leadership?

Leadership involves much more than simply issuing directives. It requires a delicate balance of skills, openness to feedback from a variety of sources, and the ability to identify and draw valuable lessons from the chaotic buzz that surrounds us. True leadership necessitates the ability to inspire, encourage, and guide others toward a common goal.

Leadership doesn’t occur in a vacuum. It happens in the dynamic environment of an organization, a team, or a project. True leaders can detect patterns, extract significant lessons, and use these insights to make educated decisions amid a frenzy of actions and constant noise.

Leadership isn’t about the destination. It’s also about the journey — and the people traveling with you. Effective leaders recognize that the people they lead are just as important as the goals they pursue. They place importance not only on the assignments at hand but also on the growth and well-being of their team members. Building strong, collaborative, and motivated teams is a leader’s top objective.

Leadership isn’t about success. It’s a multidimensional journey that includes both success and failure. It entails not only steering a course toward goals but also accepting feedback from various sources. Effective leaders are not threatened by feedback; instead, they actively seek it out and use it to refine their approaches. It requires adaptability, the ability to learn from mistakes, and a focus on developing and nurturing others. 

The principles below guide my leadership strategy. They’re my compass in navigating both challenges and opportunities, they anchor me in purpose, and they inform my decisions and activities.

My top five principles of leadership

1. People tend to remember your latest accomplishments — so it’s vital to keep up a strong, consistent performance.
2. A collaborative workplace requires the establishment of a proficient and balanced team.
3. Your reputation is crucial, as it influences trust and the willingness of others to listen and act on your advice.
4. You need to stay optimistic in the face of challenges to effectively inspire and lead a team.
5. While talent is important, character plays an equally significant role in achieving success, as employers promote candidates who possess the right values, a positive attitude, a hunger for learning, and who fit the company culture.

I firmly believe that these five things — consistent performance, teamwork, reputation, optimism, and character — form a critical foundation for a successful leadership career. 

Now let’s take a look at some action items.

Ten actionable strategies to drive your success

Actively think about your next project now. Be intentional in planning for your future experiences and growth, and don’t passively wait for opportunities to land in your lap. Start by setting short term goals that lead you toward your longer term objective. As you reach each milestone, celebrate and allow your growing confidence to carry over into your next endeavor. I discovered that the more deeply I involved myself in a project, the more creative and idea-generating I became. So invest thought cycles into making sure that your projects are leading you in a direction you want to pursue.

Don’t be afraid of failure. Back in school, I was studious but timid. I worried about what my peers would say if I contributed ideas or asked questions in class. But failing and seeking answers are both necessary steps in the learning process. If something’s on your mind, speak up. Your idea might be accepted or rejected, but both are okay. Embrace failure, as that’s when you truly discover success.

Absolutely negotiate. I discovered the power of negotiation when I came to North America. I was keenly aware of my status as an immigrant, and at first, I was afraid of being thrown out of the country. As I became more comfortable with life in the United States, I started seeing it as a place of opportunity. This new mindset helped me begin to value myself, my skillset and my time, which I channeled into my budding negotiation skills. And I have been using them to shape my career ever since. Artful negotiation takes time, practice, self-confidence, and instinct. So start working on it now.

Find an advocate. Growing up, we are taught that hard work will be rewarded. I have found in my career that this is not the case. It is who you know, as well as what you know that will advance your career. The tech industry, my stomping ground, is still dominated by men, and I have needed to overcome plenty of obstacles, especially as an immigrant. I have become frustrated watching perfectly qualified, talented women become disillusioned and leave the industry, never to return. Women succeed when they support each other. And if you’re the only woman in the room, then turn to a male ally. Find yourself an advocate who has your best interests in mind and vouches for you behind closed doors.

You may look different from your peers, but you have just as much value. I have sat in many meetings where I have been the only brown-skinned woman in the room. It can feel lonely. But every time I feel like an imposter, I remind myself of all the hard work and sacrifice that got me here. Regardless of the path we take to reach our destination, we’re all sitting around the same table with our shared commitment to the project at hand.

As a manager, I recognize and celebrate that everyone has their own unique perspective. All are valuable, and we need to create a supportive environment where everyone feels comfortable enough to speak up. Having team members with diverse backgrounds at the table makes for better decisions. Just make sure your team is focused on your similarities and common goals.

Success will come and go, and that’s okay. Success is not a solid destination but more of a feeling. You feel that sense of pride and fulfillment when you achieve something — and then it disappears. But the ebb and flow of success is normal. The key is to use each success as a building block for the next one and to let your learnings motivate you to rise to another challenge. As my career has progressed, I’ve realized it is not about that elusive feeling of success. It is about building a life solid enough to withstand the currents. Surround yourself with loved ones, and you can do anything.

Do not compare your success to others’. You are the only one who can define your success. I am a goal-oriented person. My leadership superpower is my ability to motivate my teams to unite and focus on achieving a common objective. I feel a sense of accomplishment when a project’s milestones are achieved, and when my team is able to collaborate without me. Your feeling of success might come in meeting a goal. Or it might be triggered by a new position with a corner office. Or something else entirely. You get to decide.

It’s not just the giant leaps that count. Sometimes your dreams can feel so far away. You know what you want and have a plan to get there, but life can get in the way. Break down your dreams into small goals. When you achieve each goal, celebrate it. But also listen to your inner voice to identify the kind of life you want at each stage. Sometimes it is okay to say no to advancement because of the time it takes away from your family. Work hard, and other opportunities will come your way. 

Dreams have no end. The wonderful thing about dreams is they have no expiration date. And they often materialize when you least expect, sometimes in an unanticipated form. To achieve them, relax and work on yourself. Nothing else. The impact of the work you are doing today may not be fully realized for weeks, even months. Remember that life is a journey. Enjoy the process and learn from it.

It’s never too late to start a new journey. When I was working in the United States, I shared rides with someone who had been in the armed forces for 15 years. Despite having no prior expertise or knowledge of the IT industry, he boldly became a developer and excelled. His bravery in trying something completely new was incredibly motivating, reminding us that age should never be an impediment to reaching our goals. It is never too late to start over.

Success is not about an elusive destination but rather the journey. Celebrate the small steps and your own unique victories. Strive to chart and embrace the path that leads to your fulfillment — a narrative written by your personal definition of success.

 

Neelima Mangal is an IT executive, entrepreneur, diversity advocate, and the author of Climb, Lead, Succeed. She was nominated for the Forbes Tech Council 2023 Thought Leadership Exchange — Top20 Published Member as well as the Top 50 Most Powerful Women in Tech 2022 from the US-based Tech Inclusion Committee. She also hosts The Power of Women in the World of Tech podcast, holds a nomination for Scrum Board Member, and has earned accolades like WOI22’s Authentic Leader award and Women of Inspiration. You can reach her on LinkedIn.

 

Young women are considering egg freezing more and more often. I am too — but why? Do we fear career stagnation at an early age? Are our biological clocks making us nervous? Or is it just fear of the growing infertility rate, especially as we advance in age? And if we decide to pursue it, what are the financial ramifications?

Let’s start with the basics.

What is egg freezing? 

Oocyte cryopreservation for non-medical reasons, known as egg freezing, has enhanced the reproductive autonomy of women by allowing us to delay childbearing while preserving the possibility of maintaining a biological relation with our future kids. 

The general process involves three steps: ovulation induction, egg retrieval and egg freezing.

In ovulation induction, synthetic hormones are injected at the start of the menstrual cycle to stimulate the ovaries. This ensures they produce multiple eggs instead of the single egg that is usually produced every month. The follicles (small fluid-filled sacs in the ovaries that release eggs) are ready for egg retrieval after about 8 to 14 days. At this point, hcG hormones or other medications are injected to help mature the eggs. 

Egg retrieval is a short procedure carried out under sedation. The most common method used for the purpose is transvaginal ultrasound aspiration. In this approach, an ultrasound probe introduced into the vagina identifies the follicles. Then a needle is passed through the vagina to reach the follicle, where a suction device attached to the needle removes multiple eggs from the follicle. 

Egg freezing involves retrieving the unfertilized eggs and then cooling them to a sub-zero temperature so that all their biological activities stop and they can be preserved for future use. To prevent ice crystal formation during the freezing process, substances called cryoprotectants may be used. Proper freezing of eggs is important because if not preserved correctly, it can impact the chances of a successful pregnancy.

Egg freezing is a costly procedure, with expenses typically ranging from $5,000 to over $20,000 for a single cycle. Costs vary based on the fertility clinic and medications used. But even so, the popularity of the process is increasing. Between 2019 and 2021, in the UK there was a nearly 64% increase in egg storage cycles. And in the US, the number of egg-freezing cycles grew from 16,786 in 2020 to 24,558 in 2022, a marked 31% increase in fertility preservation treatment.

Meanwhile, the topic of egg freezing has nearly 75 million views on TikTok, so those of younger ages are being exposed to the trend. In fact, nearly three in five surveyed Gen Zers and millennials admitted to being worried about their fertility.

What motivates women to freeze their eggs?

With needles and sedation involved, the motivation to undergo this procedure must be pretty strong. What’s driving women to do this? 

For some, it’s a sense of control and freedom. Actress Priyanka Chopra, for example, said, “I felt such freedom, I did it in my early thirties and I could continue on an ambitious warpath, I wanted to achieve and I wanted to get to a certain place in my career. Also, I had not met the person with whom I wanted to have children.” 

Similarly, British TV personality Vicki Pattinson shared, “It has taken the pressure off loads. We are planning a wedding and we want to enjoy married life. This has given us the luxury of time and options.” She adds, “I had spent my whole life in a rush to be loved so I could do all the things I thought a woman was meant to do but now I’m doing things when they are right for me so I feel really empowered.”

Sara Jacobs, a member of the House of Representatives, decided to freeze her eggs in her late twenties to ensure she would be able to become a parent alongside her highly demanding career. A co-sponsor for the Access to Infertility Treatment and Care Act, she asserts, “Egg freezing is very expensive, and it shouldn’t be limited to those who can afford it. It’s about ensuring prospective parents can choose when and if to start a family.”

And there are medical justifications as well. Actress Emma Roberts froze her eggs to preserve fertility when diagnosed with endometriosis, a condition where tissue similar to the lining of the uterus grows outside the uterus, causing severe pain in the pelvis and making it harder to get pregnant.

Dr. David Adamson, founder, chairman and CEO of ARC Fertility, described the situations he commonly encounters in his practice. “Many decide to freeze their eggs so they can finish their education or advance their careers before having children. It’s also a choice for those facing cancer treatments that could affect their fertility or medical treatments that might harm their egg quality. Some women freeze their eggs because they haven’t found the right partner yet but want to have kids later, while others are waiting until they’re more financially ready. For some, egg freezing is a valuable option when they’re dealing with health issues or other situations that make having a child right now difficult.”

What surprised me is how many women in my age group and network, primarily working in the tech industry and in their late twenties, are considering freezing their eggs as well. They have various reasons, like uncertain career stability, timing, and the challenge of relocating to different countries. The major hurdle for them is the high cost of the procedure — but they also note that there’s often a stigma attached to egg freezing, and in places like China and Turkey, unmarried women face restrictions. This shows that the ability to freeze eggs is not only a financial privilege but also influenced by cultural norms, highlighting the continued need for more accessible reproductive options for women.

Is the motherhood penalty to blame?

The motherhood penalty stems from a stereotypical view that women are primary caregivers and have a duty to stay at home and raise their children. Based on the assumption that mothers are often distracted by their kids, those who choose to work may be seen as less competent or less committed to their jobs. The motherhood penalty affects many aspects of a woman’s career, such as earnings, ability to get hired, evaluations, and promotions. And fear of discrimination may cause some women to delay having children until their careers are more established — thus making egg freezing more attractive. 

According to National Health Statistics Reports, the trend of delayed childbearing — having a first child at 35 or older — has risen significantly. It increased ninefold between 1972 and 2012 and continues to rise.

In fact, having a first child at an older age may improve women’s wages and career paths. Studies and data have shown that women who reach executive levels with higher earnings before having their first child may have a better chance of maintaining their career success post-kids. 

Even so, Carol Fishman Cohen, CEO and co-founder of return-to-work program provider iRelaunch, counsels women against waiting for the “right time” professionally to have children, insisting that “no time is perfect. Women we have heard from over the years regretted trying to time their pregnancies strategically from a career perspective.” The longer they waited, the more likely they would be facing high risk pregnancies and related problems.

Does offering egg freezing as a workplace benefit really empower women?

Despite the costs, as of 2020, almost one in five (19%) large U.S. employers offered egg freezing benefits to their employees. That’s up from only 6% in 2015. However, new research published in the Journal of Applied Psychology found that egg freezing benefits can send a negative signal to employees and prospective employees. The problem is that some feel the company is encouraging employees to freeze eggs so they can work more years unencumbered by pregnancy and child-rearing. So the benefit can inadvertently signal that the organization pressures workers to sacrifice their personal lives. 

But the researchers don’t suggest that companies scrap their egg-freezing policies. “Despite the negative reactions egg freezing coverage evokes, our work does not imply organizations should not offer the policy; it is likely a valued benefit for employees who would like to freeze their eggs and could not otherwise afford to do so.” While it can be seen as an empowering option, it’s essential for corporate leaders to take steps to ensure that this benefit is not misinterpreted as pressure to prioritize work over family.

According to Dr. Adamson, “most companies include egg freezing benefits with other fertility-related benefits. They do so to be inclusive and comprehensive in their offering and also equitable. As such, more people are now seeing egg freezing benefits as a positive reflection of the company’s commitment to the reproductive needs of their workforce.”

In pursuit of both family and career

Ideally, women would simply have kids when it felt right, there would be childcare resources to help us once we resumed our jobs, employers would welcome us back without bias and with open arms, and we’d continue to be paid what we’re worth. But since that’s not the case just yet, egg freezing plays an important role in allowing women to gain some control over our reproductive future. It’s not about choosing between career and family; it’s about empowering women to pursue both. By promoting inclusive family-forming benefits and challenging stereotypes, together, we can make reproductive choices a reality.

Shivangi Mehra is an Associate at Liftery and founder of Limitless Stree, an initiative to empower women and girls in India. She also serves as the Research Mentor for young researchers at UNESCO. She can be reached via LinkedIn.

 

I overthink my LinkedIn profile photo. I don’t know if it’s a woman-thing or a me-thing, but I’m always feeling I should somehow find a better one. I guess I could just stick my hand out and take a selfie on a day when I’m wearing makeup and my hair doesn’t look too limp or too wiry. Or I could pay someone to take one for me. But even if I outsourced, I’d still need to find the photographer, schedule the session, primp and figure out what to wear… and pay for it… without knowing with any certainty that the session will produce the perfect LinkedIn headshot. And seeing that LinkedIn profiles with a photo get 21x more views than those without, a good photo is a must-have.

So what even is a good LinkedIn photo?

Given the nature of the platform, you’d think the main objective would be to look professional. Okay, so no cleavage. But what else? Should we smile broadly to emanate warmth and friendliness? Or would a fainter grin make us look more knowledgeable and authoritative? Should we look straight at the camera or select a more artsy angled shot? Do we go for a bright lip color to make a statement or keep our makeup more understated and natural with the hope of seeming more approachable? 

The best look for you likely depends on your industry, the role you’re in (or in the case of job seekers, the role you’re aspiring to), and perhaps your personal style or brand. An investment banker will dress and pose differently from an engineer, a school teacher, or the head of a creative studio, for example. 

Across all professions, a smile will make you appear more friendly and measurably bump up your likability factor. And if you’re on the hunt for a new opportunity, hiring managers — perhaps subconsciously — could be more likely to reach out to someone who seems pleasant to work with. Of course, if you promote yourself as an artist or brooding deep thinker (whether a writer, sculptor, musician, actor, or a tenured academic), you may choose to forego the smile to reinforce your personal brand. 

Regardless of your facial expression, keep your background plain — a white wall works just fine, as does a background remover app after the fact. Use natural light if possible. And a selfie taken with the camera slightly higher than your face is usually more flattering than shots taken from below. 

If that weren’t enough to remember, research has shown that as women in the workplace, it behooves us to look attractive, yet not too attractive. And we definitely don’t want to look too old. Ageism is real. 

Creating the perfect LinkedIn headshot certainly takes some thought and intention. Which easily explains why I think about upgrading my headshot, and never do so. 

But there’s actually another way to go about this. Recent advances in generative artificial intelligence have sprung a multitude of headshot apps. You submit snapshots of yourself from your phone’s photo roll, and anywhere from an hour to a couple days later, you’ll receive a portfolio of AI-generated headshots to choose from. Compared to the price of a 1:1 photo session, it’s extremely affordable too, especially considering that you don’t need to have your hair done or buy a power suit. Some women are lucky enough to score a shot or two they’re really happy with — that look like a better, more polished version of themselves. The perfect hairdo, as if they’d just stepped out of the salon. The perfect blouse + blazer combo — decidedly unstuffy, with a little flair. The perfect smile that inspires confidence. You get the idea.

And others have giggled uncontrollably at images returned with zero resemblance. Sporting a disjointed limb, or extra ones. And oftentimes, larger, perkier breasts. (Although $39.99 is a great price for a boob job, you can’t ignore the many manifestations of gender bias in AI.) 

I can’t help but wonder, though. What happens if your AI-produced photo is perfect — but doesn’t look like you? If the runway look and chiseled features that the AI graciously bestows on you aren’t at all realistic? Will new acquaintances be baffled or even disappointed when you appear on Zoom — or in person! — looking a lot like… yourself? 

Privacy is another consideration, and the various apps have different policies. It seems that most do use your AI likeness to train their learning models. This is what helps the service continually improve over time. But you can usually delete both your original photos as well as your AI-produced images at any time. 

Even with these caveats, there’s one fabulous reason to give it a whirl — the hours you can save by NOT having to plan and prepare to capture a professional-looking photo. 

If you’d like to try it, whether for your LinkedIn profile or just a good laugh, here are a few mom-tested apps to consider:

Try It On AI. You submit 10-20 good quality cellphone selfies and a few hours later, receive 100 headshots to choose from. Like most AI image generators, you may notice extra limbs, fingers or teeth, though most users do score a few usable gems. $17, no refunds.

Aragon AI. Upload 14 photos to receive images with multiple backgrounds and poses in less than an hour. Privacy-friendly. $29.99 for 40 headshots and $39.99 for 80. They do grant refunds if you don’t find anything you like.

Secta Labs. Submit 25-35 photos of yourself to get 300 headshots a few hours later. The price includes two retries and some slick editing/retouching tools you can use to perfect your photos. If even that doesn’t yield a headshot you like, they’ll refund you. $49.

Dreamwave AI. Upload just 8 images and get 120 headshots two hours later, with both formal and casual poses and a nice variety of backgrounds. Privacy friendly. No refunds. $39.

StudioShot AI. Upload 10-20 images, and 2 days later, you’ll receive 50 hand-retouched photos for $29.25. They don’t offer refunds, but they do offer to manually touch up your photos again and again until you’re happy with the result.

A few general AI headshot hints:

• The better the photos that you submit, the better the result. This does not mean that you need to look picture-perfect. It means that you should be plainly visible and in sharp focus.
• The AI will do best if you submit shots in different outfits, lighting, angles, and locations.
• As a precaution, you may want to avoid wearing a hat in the photos you submit.
• You’ll notice that each app requires a different number of photos and has its own instructions for selecting photos to submit. For best results, follow the app’s rules, and when a range is given for the number of photos required, upload more than the minimum number.

Whether you’re choosing between selfies, a photographer’s photos, AI headshots, or a mix, you can use a photo tester site like https://www.photofeeler.com/ for feedback. Or better yet, go with your gut and upload the one that you feel best represents your fabulous professional self. (Just don’t forget to crop out any extra body parts first.)